Kay John. Here you go. God, I've never felt so pressured into writing a blog post.

Monday: Study for BIO at my place with Kim, John, Dara, Claudia, and Dara. funn shit man!! Fine, I admit, we didn't end up studying as much as I planned. XDD But egh, it was still fun! XDD

Tuesday: Bio Exan, Study for Law exam. LMFAO! I love you guys. Especially you John, for dropping the egg. Kay so for all of the stalkers out there who weren't at my house, we were making the instant noodles that they brought on Monday when we decided to throw eggs into the pot. John being the "amazing cook" was the one to separate the first egg. And what does out "amazing cook" do? He hits the egg on the side of the pot thing and the whole egg shell and all falls into the pot. LMFAO!!! Then Dara comes out of no where and cracks an egg over the sink. o.O? And Kim cracks the third egg like a normal person would. -___- and I think John cracked the fourth one.
TT_______TT Stevie no crack egg TT_____TT

Wednesday: Went to Dara's house for the First time. Her cat is adorable! But she hates me. Fell in love with her vibrator. And no its not what you think! Its this thing that you stand on and it vibrates. Its supposed to help a person lose weight. So blah!!!! Fell in love with God of WAR. so fun!!! And tetris was awesome.
**NOTES** CAT LOVES JOHN AND JOHN FAILS AT TETRIS*****

Thursday: Did nothing because Stevie had to study for Math Exam

Friday: Failed Math exam and blah!!! Then went on an date with Dara. We went to the Best shop and stevie bought a new ring. And then we went to BR and saw people and got awkward. then went to T&T for sushi and yea. Fun and tiring day.

Weekend: Can't remember what happened during weekend but yea. it was probably something.

Monday: Chilled at home with Cz for the first time in foreverzz. Continued watching Kuroshitsuji. :-o yea started kuroshitsuji on weekend I THINK. Made Viet Omelet and ate. CZ slept on bed and yea. Chill day

Tuesday: Exam Review day!!! 80's in everything accept in MATH TT____TT didn't even bother checking mark because I was going to PMALL that day!!! woots.
Left to Pmall with John later that day. Went to square and met up with Beverley and Noreen. Oh god. Saw a bunch of cute asian guys and girls. And one even stared at me repeatedly. And damn was he cute :DD. But it was prob because John and I looked similar so he was like omg twinzz. -__________-" We then subwayed to Pmall. And bonded on the way, which pretty much consisted of noreen and I singing loudly towards beverley and Beverley and John thinking " we don't know you". Then the bus ride was mostly us playing the truth game. upon reaching pmall, the only thing that was on our mind was food!!!!!! So we headed towards the food court. While John and Noreen disappeared to find food, Bev and I split on a chicken teriyaki. we ended up taking so long that the cashier walked away while we were trying to collect enough change and figure out how much we were paying. Food was awesome of course :DD and yea.



EXTRA:
"So we're gonna pmall all the way to the subway?"
"You can't spell baklava without bakla"
" I don't need that girl by my side! I don't need that girl in my life!"
" Our plan..."
"Bitch please"
"Nice Hair"
" If you don't have a comfy bed, he (yours truly) won't fuck you"

this post took way too long so I'm just gonna stop it here
and whatever happened afterwards will just blegh.

Well, with Biology and Law out of the way, my hard exams are now next. Wonderful
Tomorrow french and friday, MATH :'(

I absolutely hate math. Grade 11 math was such a douche-face. Or maybe it was just the teacher. because she can't explain for shizz and UGH!!! The entire semester was heel in her class!!!!!. I absolutely hate math with a passion. But since I'm asian-failing that class, I need to own that shit. I atleast want a higher 70 than a 71 :'( but fuck!! I just don't get it!! no matter how much I try. UGH i'll probably redo every chapter review we've done just to get atleast kidna familiar with the unit.

Tomorrow, no fun, just math. God, atleast after friday I won't have to think about math depuis longtemps. HEHE french Exam :DD

**** LISTEN TO SONG****
I had the urge to just write everything out again. Sorry for not waiting... and sorry for springing more on you... =)

I've finally realized this. Lol, I guess I've been under the illusion that best friends have to be part of the same group of friends. That best friends have to see each other every day, and that best friends should have perfect friendships together. I guess its been so long since we had talked about how we felt that we forgot how much we needed to do so. I remember how back in the day, Every now and then we'd chill together and have little sessions where we'd just talk about how we were feeling; about ourselves, about each other, and about how our lives been. Ever since we started getting new friends, we've been less open to each other, either because we felt that we weren't at that stage anymore where we can tell each other everything, or that the newer friends were also present and there wasn't enough trust for everyone to be able to talk about what we've been bottling up deep now. Whatever the reason was, I guess the main point was that we weren't able to talk anymore.

Maybe I overestimated how much we had changed. Because its becoming more and more clear to me every day that if we really had changed as much as I thought, we wouldn't be hurting so much. We wouldn't feel awkward after this. And we wouldn't be stalking each other's blogs and tumbrs just to try and figure out how we're feeling. If we really had changed that much, we'd feel a little sad, and then move on with our lives. The fact that we're still hurting, still waiting, and still thinking about this means that we really haven't changed that much. In terms of how we feel about each other, we haven't even changed at all because no matter how much we as people can change; if we're still crying over each other, still dedicating giant ass blog posts to each other, and still waiting for each other; then the way we mean to each other has never changed at all. We still keep each other in a place where we just can't lose each other, no matter how much we fight it. Even though some friends have been friends much longer than us, I think that because we've already been through so much that we just can't break this. Not this suddenly. We can distance each other, but we're not going to be able to fully let go.

My epiphany is that, best friends don't have to see each other every day. Best friends don't have to chill with each other every day. And best friends don't have to belong to the same group of friends. We can all have our own group of friends because that doesn't govern who we can and can't be friends with. What matters is that we're still able to talk to each other the same way, we still have our own time. And we still have those days where we can just forget everything and everyone else. Just for us. My point, I'm not ready to let go, I'm not going to let go, and I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hard it might be to stay. If I haven't been able to leave even after writing all of that, after trying to distance myself for so long, and after trying to break apart from you, I'm hear to stay.

Besides, you still have to introduce me to all of your new friends. My horoscope said so! And because you're apart of it, you better

The funny thing is, I realized this after listening to something that you showed me. I guess its kinda poetic no?


Kay for a rant about something else to lighten to mood on this suddenly depressing ass blog.

WHAT THE FRIGBIZZSHIZZGIZZNITZZZ!?!!?

No seriously, What the fuck!?!? How do 2 amazingly hot guys **who are my type I would like to add** live in the same place and meet each other, both be gay and find each other!??!?! SERIOUSLY!!!
I'm fucking hyperventilating in jealousy right now. what the shizznits?!?!?

I haven't even lost my first kiss yet and these two hot ass guys are all over each other on their blogs and tumblrs just talking about how cute and lovely they are to each other.

And here's me, still single. Its not that I want to be in a long term relationship. Its just KAGLHJGFVJZMNCXHVKLD HV
I only have like 2 people that I get to see everyday kinda to talk to about LGBT problems and who aren't my type. And then there are these cute ass couples who's relationships are just perfect as hell. They're both gorgeous and cute and hot and lovely and just WHAT THE FRIGNUTS?!?!!?

WHAT THE FRIGBIZZSHIZZGIZZNITZZZ!?!!?

LEGIT!! I SAW HIM ON TUMBLR AND I WAS LIKE OMFG!! DAYUM!! AND THEN HE REBLOGGED A PICTURE OF HIS BF WHO WAS ALL "THIS BLOG WAS MADE JUST FOR YOU♥" AND MY MOUTH LEGIT DROPPED ALL THE WAY TO CHINA!!!.

** Yes I am kinda trying to lighten the mood.**

I just wanna start with this.
Know that to me, you're irreplaceable. I've never tried to replace you and I never will. No matter what happens between us, you'll still be the awesome czarina that I've known, loved, and gone insane with at any and every time of day...and night. Its not like I haven't noticed. You're right, in a sense I do know pretty much everything about you. I know your reactions to certain things, I know your many facial expressions and I know your defense mechanism. Yes, it does hurt when all the memories rush back, but that's probably not what hurts me the most. What hurts me the most is the fake smile that you put in front of me even though we both said that we'll still be the same person that we knew. Come on, did you really think that I wouldn't notice the pain and disoriented look in your eyes. The expression where yes your mouth is curved upwards, showing your teeth and yet still straight. The way your eyes are twinkling, but in such a way reveals the hurt and lost that you're trying to cover up. The way you would look at me and yet have your head down, close to your neck as if trying to keep a safe distance from me.

PS: when a person is truly smiling, the sides of their eyes would wrinkle, and honey, we can land a plane on the side of your eyes.

And I guess that this has always been the difference between you and I since generally I just come out and say whatever the frig I want. So I guess its time I opened this damn mouth of mine.

Perhaps the only reason why I'm writing to you through this is because I know that when you check out this blog, you're semi-ready for what you might and or might not see. I really don't like springing things on you because I know that its not fair to you, in which case I'm again really sorry about shoving my thoughts at you all at once like that.

No matter how much we want to move on from this, something is holding us back.
And the thing is, I still don't know what to do. One side of me is saying that you're worth everything and I should be willing to hang in there no matter what. But the other side is telling me that I'm not capable of holding onto anything anymore.

You said it yourself, "we all should have tried harder". I kinda feel really stupid for asking you this but I hope that, even at this state we can try one last thing. Communication.
Its funny. This is the one thing that none of us had done. And hey -_- this isn't communication. This is us just typing words on the internet hoping that the other person would see. I'm done with inboxing you. I want to talk to you. I just want you to be ready though. So when you are, please. Tell me. I don't want us to just end every thing and that really wasn't what my intention was.

Besides, you said yourself, "you'll always be here to listen me rant and rave about the latest things that's been plaguing my mind". I guess its time I made the hurting stop. For both of us.

So before you make a decision, please talk to me before. Because it was blatantly asinine, and irresponsible of me to make such a decision without talking to you first. This was my fault, but I hope you'd be there to help me fix it. Because I think that no matter how much I doubt myself, I still trust you. So I'm going to trust your judgment and follow your advice. "Don't lose faith and trust in myself." So I'm not going to let this friendship die, not without talking to you.

PPS: Deep down, you and I both know that we're not really, no matter how much we ty to convince ourselves that we are, accept this if we don't face it together. Both of us have distanced ourselves way to quickly and I think that its time we acted like the friends that we really are.





*** omg this is post 123***


OKAY SO

I thought you weren't going to say goodbye, so why does it sound like you've already left?
I'm trying to be as normal as possible and yes it does hurt whenever the memories come rushing back. But as my closest friends, I'd want you to do something even if you know that the process if going to hurt, if it's the best for all of us.

Perhaps we really did misunderstand each other because one moment we're trying to figure out what happened and the next minute we're suddenly all knowing about the whole situation.

I want to talk to both of you, I really do, but I always feel like I'm interrupting something and that I'm intruding on your lives.

I really don't want to let you go with this bitter and morose impression of us. So I'm just going to come out with it.

Can I please get an answer from you guys, what do you want me to do? Because I dont' want to lose you but I don't know if I can keep you. If you guys really read this, can you please give me a sign!??!? Cause fuck, we wouldn't be stalking each other if we were already over this.


And twas yet another eventful day for the three azns. What began as a trip to subway turned into a pho trip. That was some good banh cuon. Then, after getting my stuff from my locker, we began to make our way to my house, generally where all the fun takes place, when our minds link and we immediately decide on having a mini-race to the other side. Much to John's chagrin when he starts slipping (he chose the flattest path thinking it was the safest. -_- hun its flat because its icy). Now, as much as you're going to psshh about this, john, I did win. And Dara kinda just egh. W/e, imma walk. XDD
anyways so yea

We got to my house and I managed to already lose a few rings within the residence of stevie, and first thing we did was try to beat Ice bitch again. WOOTS!! WE DID!!! That was strangely easy XDDD.

After being total geeks in the basement, we ended up moving to the kitchen since Dara has this strange obsession with making hot cocoa, which I really don't mind because I have to admit, her hot cocoa is like 1901873471734X better than mine ♥♥♥

We then decided the kinda "chatroulette" without the chatroulette XDDD
funnest shit when John is on the floor looking like jailbait. The Funniest part is when the naked penises decide to wait to see whether or not he's gonna do anything special XDDD We saw these two guys and while having the cam focused on John, he decided to get back at me by shoving a pair of scissors **don't worry readers, there was no penetration so I'm still a virgin, and second, they were the crimply ones so they didn't hurt or anything**. An that act, caused yet another tickle war. John, I won and you know it!! ** basically me in denial**

So yes, obviously, I lost this one, so I ended up throwing a pillow at them, causing Dara's hot cocoa, which I'm still drinking right now and is quite cold, to spill over a crapload of my shizz including that Christmas card, which I managed to salvage!! and two old baby pictures TT__TT

We then went onto Gatsby-ing John's hair. I have to say, he looked kinda really cute with his hair in a kinda fauxhawk with his bangs going over his eyes. But in order to get to that relization, we had to... maybe its better to just show you. :DD


First try, We were actually kinda trying.
Dara and I were like "let's try Sex hair!!!"
...we got a little carried away... XDDDDD
Ps: I'm fucking jealous of all of your foreheads!! they're so beautiful!! :'(
Wish I had a better camera and the lighting was better. but yea its basically a side fauxhawk where the point becomes the bangs. XDDD

Ps: Here's an easter egg!!
If you look closely, it'll look like we just had sex XDD

Which isn't a surprise because we both be gorgeous!!!!

You guys know how important this blog is to me so you can bet your ass that this message is gonna be meaningful and awesome and epic and flattering and stuffs
well maybe n_n

Well I'd just like to first start off by apologizing to you guys **something I've been doing so much lately..** for making you guys worry about me. And I'd also REALLY NEED TO THANK YOU GUYS for coming over and cheering me up. Its nice to know that I have friends who're willing to drop by when I'm feeling under the weather. XDDD winter joke **sorry for the lame joke**. I'd also like to thank you for dealing with me while I'm at my most vulnerable and when I'm a total mess.

You guys really are some of the best friends I could ask for.

Thanks for the stick-o's and Dara, thanks for your awesome hot chocolate!!! It was really good. Really helped cheer me up.

Yes Dara, my beautifully sculpted ass is in fact marvelous, and because they're in my room, my tissues will smell like me. And there's nothing I can do about that.

John, although sometimes you do seem really cold and kinda don't give a rats ass **clearly i was wrong** You really are a great friend. I know that it must have felt awkward even if you deny it, to just stand there and watch me as I break down for the umpteenth time, but you still listened and tried to understand how I felt. You probably already know this, but having you and Dara there to comfort me really meant the world to me. And to pay you guys back, I'll stop faking those smiles tomorrow. Instead, I'll replace them with genuine
ones. So don't worry about me so much okay? Trust me when I say this: I'm stronger than you think I am.

Dara, even though I only met you this year, I guess you're living proof to me that friendship shouldn't be measured only by how long you've known the person, but how much you're willing to do for that person. Yes, Stick-o's and hot chocolate might not seem like a lot to some people, but to have you drag "he who hates being with only one other person" with you to Nofrills and to deliver the food and wait with john for me outside my house, and fatass with me while cheering me up. I can't thank you enough for being such a great friend. But trust me, I'm going to find some way to thank you for being awesome.

There, your sappy personal messages. I know they're lame but hey, they're true. And isn't that what really counts?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

To Be Honest, I didn't think that you'd actually get around to seeing that. I truly thought that you guys didn't read my blog anymore.

I kinda regret sending those invites back then because I was planning on going through this alone, as usual.

But maybe apart of me wanted for you guys to see it. Maybe just not so soon. Seeing you today, it was just too much. I tried to stay strong in front of you guys, I really did. To make it seem as though nothing's changed and that we're still "cool". To make it seem as though I might not be there as often anymore, that everything will still be fine. That we'll still have an awesome summer of '11 and that our March break horoscope would come true. That we will face that toilet together. But all I was able to do was stay strong for the rest of the walk back to class before becoming into a complete mess in front of Jackie and evidently stealing all of Mme Frank's tissues.

I didn't want you guys to know because I know that you'll feel the same pain that I feel and it really isn't fair to drop this bombshell on you guys so abruptly. I should have been more careful. But after so long, I just couldn't help it anymore.

Its starting to feel like a habit. Another day, another 100 fake smiles, and another 200 tears. Another 6 hours of staying strong in front of others only to break down the minute the lights are off and the blanket is over my head, while continuing the struggle to muffle the cries coming out of my room. By now, I've just stopped fighting the tears.

I really don't want to be bestest strangers to, but there's nothing I can do anymore. I just can't find any words to say. At this point, it seems as though there's just nothing to ask, nothing to tell, nothing. And I still fight the ever-growing fear of encountering you in the hallway. The fear of having to look at you and having all the memories rushing back. the fear of spontaneously breaking down because of the overload. The fear of feeling all of these sad things over and over like a broken record or broken projector constantly repeating the same old memories. I want to physically be there, but I can't. At this point, I can't without just awkwardly standing there as some random guy trying to fit in, but sticking out like a sore thumb.

Maybe the next time we meet, we'll be better equipped, more wise, and less awkward so we can make more memories. Spend another not-so-few countless hours doing the randomest things ever. But until then, all we can really do is let the broken pieces fall where they may, with the hope that maybe someday, what disappeared today can be reborn once again.

- I'm really going to miss you too...
but don't worry, I'll still be waiting.
So in the time being lets promise each other that we won't forget these past few years, these past few experiences, and last but most each other...

For some reason, Shota Shimizu's songs always apply to my life more than anyone other artist out there. The Melody reflects the emotions that can't be put into words and his lyrics mirror the words that I'm unable to conjure from this brain, and the beat reflects this stagnant state that I seem to be in. Unfortunately, of all songs, this one takes the cake for MOST RELEVANT SONG for the way I'm feeling.

Shimizu Shota - Miss You

"Good-bye" That voice was shaking just a little bit.
Yet, at these kind of times that always seem so simple
it's okay to cry.
Because both of our dreams haven't changed.

The only one separating and going far is you.
Without looking over your shoulder even once.
Even now I'm the only one being left behind
in the middle of too many piled memories
I still miss you baby...

Still, in the middle of time,
You'll forget someday.
But now it's way too much for me to throw away.
The feeling left behind hurts
Despite that, the time we met hasn't changed.

Even if im the only one looking up into the sky,
the light doesn't cast a shadow upon me
You are the only one shining even now.
because you are laughing with someone.
I still miss you baby...

By coincidence in the middle of a town we came across each other.
Even though i found you i can't say anything the way things are now
Because someday when we meet again, with wise words,
i'll make you smile　So until that time...

The only one separating and going far is you.
Without looking over your shoulder even once.
Even now I'm the only one being left behind
in the middle of too many piled memories
I still miss you baby

Even if im the only one looking up into the sky,
the light doesn't cast a shadow upon me
You are the only one shining even now.
because you are laughing with someone.
I still miss you baby.


Even though we've been through so much together, I can't help but feel that even though I always felt kinda comfortable, there would be time and time again where I'm just too different. I don't like it when common ground is lost and I can't help but feel like I'm still an outsider. And maybe, even though we've been through so much, we've also changed a lot more than intended. I'm different from who I was back then and so are you. It's been on my mind for a while now. I really want to stay but I don't think that its the right thing for me to do anymore. We'll still talk every now and then and I'll never forget you, but I really don't think that its in my power to do anything about it anymore. I really think that if I want to make 2011 as awesome as I can make it, staying won't be the best move for me to make.

And don't get me wrong, I mean, its not like you'll never see me again. Or talk with me again. Its just, I don't want to be that person that you feel like you HAVE to talk to every now and then to seem like I'm still here. It'll only hurt and burden us. I appreciate the thought, I really do, but I don't want to be a burden or an obligation to you. Maybe its better for me to just hurt right now and to face reality now instead of later. I have become attached to you guys, but I don't think that this is right anymore. I want to stay friends with you, but I think that its time that I left. I guess its all for the better. In the end, we're just too different. The people we chose to be with are too different. No, actually maybe its just that they lead us to different places. Because lets face it, we don't have any idea what's happening in each others lives anymore. We've become strangers. We may know everything about each others past but, I want to make more memories, not just reminisce about the old ones, which is what I always end up doing when I'm with you guys. I don't mind reminiscing, but if the past is all that we have, and if we're not able to even make a present for ourselves, how can we have a future?

These past few years have been great. They really have. I'll never forget them. Its amazing to me how looking back, I honestly believed that we'd really be "best friends forever." I even kinda pictured us all just sitting together in our 20's, 30's and even 40's. Each with our own lives, yet still in each other's lives. But that dream just seems so far back. I sometimes don't even get a word with you guys. I just see you in the halls and I end up just walking with other people, wondering how your day was, if there was anything interesting. Maybe you got a new crush, maybe you met someone new, maybe you Aced you're unit test. But as I look at you, I realize that I'm the only one looking. Still looking. Still wondering. Still hoping. Hoping that maybe I'll find out soon. But I never do anymore. And as the days go on, the more and more we don't know about each other. And the more and more we don't seem to notice until one day, after randomly thinking about that person, randomly coming across an old picture, or an old message written from one of us to the other, we realize that that person no longer exists but now only existed. We'll remember how important they use to be to us, and realize that they've just became another face in the yearbook; just another face in the hallway; and just another old memory, either good or bad, just another stranger passing by. And as I realize this, the want to talk to you grows. I want to know you again. I want to be important to you again. I want to be there again. But its too late now. Because I'm no longer the Steven that went to nofrills with you anymore and you're not the _________ who played hide and seek in the dark with me anymore either. I'm not the Steven who went to the movies with you anymore and you're not the ________ who chilled at the park with me anymore either. And when I think about it, I really wonder what I've been missing. Do you miss me too? Or am I the only one, still thinking, still looking, still here.

I know what I kinda promised you and don't get me wrong, I did try. But maybe you made the wrong person promise this to you...

Its been really awesome to be able to say that we were once the best of friends, And I hope for the best to each and every one of you....

But before I go, I just want to say these last things to you guys, regardless of whether or not my words mean anything to you guys anymore.

-Its not hard for us to see that you're not you at the moment. And we DO know when you're lying. Just trust that whatever it is, you can tell us and We'll accept you.
-There are gonna be tough times for you ahead. You being all shy and stuff. But remember that I've always been the one waiting and I'm use to it by now so you can call me up anytime. Because even though I might not express it, Once a friend of Stevie's, Always a friend of Stevie's"
-Try to express yourself more openly. Some people wonder about things and even though deep down they know you care, Its always a good thing to show that you do every now and then
-Change is good sometimes, but only change for yourself

I'll still be here. Waiting. Wondering. So don't be shy. We might not be BFFFFS anymore. But I never stop caring. And I'm always ready to listen..... Besides, its not like we've never talk to strangers before so atleast we can be the best strangers ever. right?

Actually its only math :P but still. Honestly it doesn't make any sense!!!!!
BUt!!!! my future does not require the knowledge of sinusoidal functions or sequences and series so I'm good. Still I'm only getting a 71 in that class and all my other courses are doing pretty well but that stupid 71 which probably dropped due to the last test, is pulling down my mark insanely
I still have french to keep i up but come exam time, my average is gonna die!! :'(

Egh Gotta study like hell for that one :(((
But next sem is gonna be awesome yay!!! Anthro, ancient civ, world religions, and english.
What a semester ♥♥♥♥ You my friend are going to help me bring my average for grade 11 up :DD

Let's what surprises you have in store for me this time. :D

Looking back,

Not going to lie, even though 2010 was shit, I still can't say that I couldn't do without it because in the end. I did set out to what I was planning on doing. I changed. And it wasn't just the way I looked or the way I dressed. The person I am also changed. Or rather evolved. I underwent a sort of inner metamorphosis and I'm actually quite happy with the results. In the end, I made a new friend who's quite similar to me in a lot of ways, and at the same time I also lost a once great friend. And yes if you're wondering, I do sometimes think back and reminisce about back then and how things could have ended up so different.

But its been a year since that happened and I think that its about time I stopped bringing myself back to just over a year ago, when everything was still nice and peaceful. Whats done is done and the past is behind me now. M-flo and Shimizu shota even sang it: "You better know where you're going and know where you're from." I've learned from the past and the lessons will stay with me forever. But its time to look towards the future and prepare myself for the lessons that I have yet to learn, the many rants that I have yet to go through, and the epiphanies that I have yet to get.

Since I don't wish to recall such a hard and crappy year, instead, I'll go through the lessons that I've learned

- No matter how much you like someone, sometimes its better to let go.
- No matter how hard you try to ignore your feelings, in order to get over them, you have to confront them and let them out.
- Acceptance is the best weapon against weakness
- Sometimes, having knowing that you once loved someone is enough. Even though it wasn't going to happen, at least I experienced it.
- Sometimes, its better to just let time do its work and to let the pieces fall where they may. Only by being patient, can you truly understand where you're at in life.
- Talking rally can fix everything.
- Don't find happiness, MAKE IT!

There were probably more but those were the ones that just came to me so I decided to stop there. But there's also a lot of things that are just waiting for me. Better things that will make me realize why what seemed like perfection didn't happen in the past. However, this year, i'm not going to give a list of wants like I did when I usually post something like this. This time I'm just going to let 2011 surprise me and this time, I'm not going to let myself get disappointed because I had hoped for certain things to happen. The more I say, the more I think and the more I think, the more I want. So maybe if I don't say so much, don't think so much, I won't hope for too much, and if I don't hope for too much, I won't disappoint myself. I know how this sounds. Whenever someone says that, its usually during a low point in their life. But I'm actually happy right now. I'm satisfied and curious, but I'm just going to sit back and let time do its job. I've done enough. I've experienced both life changing me and I changing my life. This time, I'm just going to sit back and let whatever happen happen. Without hopes or doubts. And maybe this time, without all of these things for me to focus on, I'll be able to see more clearly, more further, and just more. :D

Mood: hopeful for Life. :D does that even make sense?