/This-Is-Steven'

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Friday, April 5, 2013 @ 2:14 AM

Catharsis

You've got me feeling,
Empty,
Like you took the very stones you used,
to push my heart down to my stomach
and turned them into a tidal wave,
crashing against my very core and
crippling what little foundation I have left of support.

You've got me feeling,
Angry,
Like a raging flame burning up what's left of myself
while you stand there at a distance
using me to cook up some short-lived leisure.
Angry,
at myself for falling for the same guy
YOU are the same guy;
just like the rest of them.
Promising only with empty words
and changing
only through neglecting
or pretending that you're really caring

You've got me feeling
Disappointed,
let down by the dissolving hope that you'd be the one
to show me what it's like to live a happy fantasy
to show me what it's like to love without fear
To show me that
you really were Different.

You've got me feeling...
Yes
Though I do feel for you
and feel because of you,
I don't feel as though you deserve to be called the cause of my heartache,
the catalyst of my catharsis,
a title not yours to take
As earthquake go to affect those in the sky, you're nothing but an aftershock
So though I see how you effect me, I know this fight, won't bring me down from my height.

These things that I'm feeling,
I know that they're fleeting,
fleeing faster than you can try
to take my flight away.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013 @ 8:37 AM

Familiar Ache.

Okay I'll admit it. Mornings and nights are the hardest. I know listening to Let Go by m-flo isn't gonna help me feel any better, but I just couldn't help it.

I guess, this is just bringing me right back to how I felt before.
Except this time, even though I can feel
the plummet of my heart,
the hollow in my stomach,
the pain in my chest, and
the weight of my body;
I still can't cry...

I'm that used to it now aren't I?
Feeling while callous
weak while hardened
hopeless while forcing myself through each day.
It's really hardest right after I wake up and before I sleep,
because those are the only times that I can't escape
the cage built by your wonderwalls...

How can you make something so obviously finite
as infinite as oblivion?
How many times do I have to remind myself of what I deserve
until I finally convince myself that I deserve better? And
How many times can I remind myself of what I deserve
before the repetition turns it into nothing?

The above is a spoken word piece that I wrote on the spot. My muse: the flood of emotions that is experienced before and after one sleeps while brokenhearted. For a piece that I wrote all at once, I really don't think it's THAT bad n_n Though I'll probably come back to refine it later on.