Wednesday, November 30, 2011 @ 8:45 PM
Tomorrow's the day.
Kay so tomorrow's the day that I'm most likely going to be officially single once again. In all, the sad love stories to add to my repertoire are:
"The first guy who I was in a "supposed" relationship with lied to me from day one."
"In the year 2011, I was in three separate love triangles in three months. Sean and Denny in September, David and Jason in October, and Jason and Patrick in November. THAT'S GOT TO BE A RECORD!!"
"I broke up with the first guy who I was in said "Supposed" relationship with on national kiss day."
Wow... I must be a hit at parties -_-
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 @ 9:30 PM
None of Your Business!! My first Spoken Word Piece. :P
The spoken word piece I wrote for Writer's Craft
Who I fuck is none of your business
Who I marry is none of your business
who I kiss is none of your business
who I hold hands with is none of your business
So why is society wasting all this money
for legislation limiting who I call honey
while the innocent are suffering and the rapists run free
and the 99 who protest and occupy wall street
You tell me that we live in a modern society
yet we still have kids living the same sad story
You tell me it’s their fault they’re slitting their wrists
without even realizing that it was every “faggot” comment that brought the razor to their wrist
every “that’s so gay” comment that guided the blade through his vandalized veins
and every “god hates fags” comment that painted their scars in blood
See, I face bigotry in many different forms
I got people asking me “how am I supposed to explain to my kids why 2 men are together”
to which I reply: “girl it’s your kid, I can’t be with who I love just because you don’t want to talk to you kid for 5 minutes?”
I got people telling me “oh please don’t turn me gay…”
to which I reply: “dude I’m not contagious, you just think I’m hot enough to bend over for”
and I got people making my love-life something note worthy by Guinness
to which I reply “fuck you mind your own goddamn business!”
Written by Steven Ly with inspiration from All over the place.
Monday, November 28, 2011 @ 8:08 PM
I wonder how December will be for me...
To be honest, I really thought that this post was going to titled with another tea from DavidsTea, but I guess that (as the doctrine of my love life goes), the more things change, the more things stay the same. I say this mainly because as we here who know my life know that it has really been just one sad love story after another. It has even gotten to the point where I've just become so used to this sort of let down and disappointment that I've instinctively suppressed the pain without even realizing it until I had to purposefully let myself cry.
It's amazing how so many things can change from one day to another. On Saturday, I was still "taken" and in a "relationship"; yet on Sunday, my perspective turned into "I guess I'm single now" and "am I to count this as my first boyfriend". And I think that that's what hurt the most. You knew my past, you know how I've been hurt before and you know how I've lived through one sad love story after another. I was so happy when I was with you because I thought to myself, maybe it's actually safe enough; YOU made it seem like it was safe enough for me to give my first true relationship to you. You led me into believing that I was someone special to you, someone that was worth your affection and that you were worth my trust and affection. And after keeping up so many walls, you made me so comfortable that I was able to so quickly put you into a position where you could easily hurt me; all the while keeping me with the mentality of you caring about me enough to know how to treat me well. I really thought that I meant something to you, but so far, it looks to me like I was just another choice to you; the new, naive, and ignorant, person whose feelings would be easy to play with.
You promised me so many sweet things, but I think that we both know how they're just empty words. Do I really think that you deserve the chance that I've giving you, no; do I really think that it's a good idea even to see you on Thursday, no. But I'm still doing it; I'm doing it because unlike you, I'm not going to handle this situation over facebook as I'm the type of guy who'd respect someone that I had strong enough feelings for to let close after all those other heartbreaks enough to actually look them in the eye and talk to them.
You tell me how you didn't want to hurt either of us and how it wasn't fair to either of us, and in reality, that's already enough for me to break up with you because that just goes to show that I'm the same as him, that even though you "don't have feelings for him anymore" and how "you really like me", we still amount to the same thing to you. So don't tell me that I'm not a choice to you because if you think that keeping his feelings safe was worth hurting the guy that you allegedly really like, then you really don't know what it really means to like someone; which adds another 2 lies to the list that's just slowly growing with every minute that I spend in retrospect of the various things that you've said to me.
I may be naive, easy to fall for someone, gullable, and stupid when I really fall for someone, but I know that at least at the end of the day, I can still say that when I fell for you that I gave 100% of my trust and my feelings to you. I took the time to plan the time for us and I put in the effort to make sure that everything was done just so I could see you. I put myself under so must stress because I honestly believed that you felt the same way that I did and that you would have done the same thing for me. I thought that you were someone why I could really trust with my affection, only to find out that I was just being played the entire time.
I'm not going to lie, this past month was one of the happiest months I've ever had. To have someone who I could trust with my feelings and to believe that they felt such a strong emotion about me was a really sweet and warm feeling. It made me think that I didn't have to be so independent all the time and that I can have someone to depend on. It made me feel like someone actually liked me enough to be willing to go further than a friend ever could, and I think that I'm probably never going to forget that thought because it really was one of the most comforting things that I've felt in a really long time.
I'd be lying if I've lost all feelings for you, and it's pretty obvious that I still like you a lot more than I should since I wouldn't be crying like this if I didn't. But as much as I want you to be the one that I can fall asleep with, the one that I could look at and know that I had someone who liked me just as much as I liked them, I don't know if I can get over this, because it's one thing if you didn't know about my past. But you did. You knew all about how I've gotten my heart broken in the past, and you still played me, and it's because of that fact that I don't know if I can even face you without feeling any residual pain.
That was a long and probably completely incoherent rant, but that's about the gist of everything that I'm feeling. I guess on thursday, I'll be able to put them into a more eloquent and steven-esque manner.
Monday, November 14, 2011 @ 5:09 PM
I HATE HANGOVERS!!!
Okay, so as for Saturday and Sunday:
headed over to Pmall to |
1) See Czarina for the first time in the longest time :P
2) Go see Jason some more :P
3) Pick up my scarf from that gurl -_-
Now thanks to the blackout that happened, all the clocks in my house were fucked up and pushed back an hour, hence I got to Pmall at 11:38 (was planning on getting there at 12:30) -____-
I ended up using the time I had to finish Kiterunner, which basically resulted in a sense of accomplishment for finishing the awesome book and some asian guy sitting on the bench in Pmall crying with a book in his hands :P Anyways, Jason was the first to arrive and we just sort of chilled together and walked around XD We looked at rings and I swear to god we need to go get those rings!!!! Anyways, in all, it really was a pretty chill day :P Saw czacza and John there too - which is always fun :P- and yeah. I guess what's worth mentioning for this would be our little altercation near the end since its subsequently relevant.
Anyways, we met up with David, Dran, and Michelle; ran into john and david again(more introductions) and then headed to first David's house :P
****honestly this post is just so blah so I'm just gonna post the way i want to post.***
went to wal-mart and David and Kevin did very bad things. David touched my hair and kevin ripped a bag of chips out of my hand. I hope that they learn to NEVER do that again.
went back to davids house and drank. :P when I'm slightly tipsy, I'm actually not bad at beer pong. O.o the talent came and went though.
took about 7 shots and at that point, I got rally drunk. Turns out, I write shit, confess my past crushes in really bad verb tense and strip. ended up telling kevin that I used to have a crush on him (I didn't even know that I used to have a crush on him. But when I'm drunk, I have a crush on everyone XD) Also told David that I liked him o.O SORRY DRAN!!! (made for slightly-awks-but-not-as-awks-thanks-to-my-awesome-ability-to-un-awks-ify-situations) Apparently got really close with kevin twice and david once o.O No worries though blog stalkers. I didn't lose my first kiss that night XDD And even when I was super close with Kevin, we were ?sober? enough to say no and with the help of tess, we managed to separate. :P
Turns out I also got really antsy at one point because I thought about Jason hanging up on me (when in reality i hung up on him? o.O) and was about to call him. Tess took my phone away though :P
My shirt also came off at one point o.O strange things...
And yea, woke up in the morning feeling like total crap. Never felt that bad in my life :(puked 7 times and hated life more than I'd ever before. And if any of you guys know me. I've become such a total optimist over the years so me hating life is actually a big deal XD
At least I accomplished yet another thing :P Got drunk, didn't lose my first kiss or fuck Kevin, got a hangover and found out what kind of drunk I am XDDD So yay n_n
in all though, i still need to get my fucking scarf back -__-
Friday, November 11, 2011 @ 11:43 PM
Green and Fruity
Hehehe wow, lovely how 1) if you shift one key down from lovely it becomes kickly :P And how this blog has suddenly become a record of my dates with Jason :P
Hehe well might as well just talk about the whole day then :P
SO I seriously did not have that great of a start. I forgot a crap load of stuff at home, my hair just didn't cooperate with me ALL day, and blegh. But in reality, the majority of today is actually pretty dry and boring so I guess I'll skip all that and get the simple, yet wonderful 3 hours that were spend with the guy who's really REALLY anticipating this blogpost XD
I don't know if you noticed, but a lot of today was just me smiling about you holding my hand :$ Made me smile that even though you said that you always felt awkward holding someone's hand; that you still kept our hands together whenever you could :P And its always an extra plus when you manage to keep my hands warm XDD
Today was pretty much just us eating, walking, and eating some more. We walk over to Yogurt spoon and ate there; walked back to eatons and ate there (damn that was some good sesame chicken), and then we walk around and got some more lovely tea at DavidsTea -Hence the blog title ♥-
Tbh, I know that while you're reading this -you being either just another random blog stalker or you the person the post is about- you're probably thinking about how boring it sounds. But I guess that the moral of today's date is that it doesn't have to be an extravagant date filled with excitement and adventure; and that even something as simply as eating at a food court at the Eaton Centre or just a nice walk hand-in-hand in enough to make me smile like a maniac.
Anyways, in all, it was a pretty sweet date; one filled with pigging out, laced fingers, and warm and serene walk on a crisp and chilly fall evening.
Mood: My hand is missing your hand very much; but other than that, really happy n_n
Friday, November 4, 2011 @ 11:05 PM
Southern Belle ♥
I think I've gone on my first serious date today n_n Though I'm really sorry that you had to wait for me for so long >.<
So, I guess I should just summarize what happened today n_n. We met up and I got my flu shot -and the soreness is coming atm- which was accompanied by an onslaught of apologies, hugs and tbh, quite a bit of awkwardness :$ :$ I don't know, I guess that I was just really unsure about what I should say and stuff at that point. But luckily, things got a lot more comfortable at manpuku :$ Though he made me feel really self conscious about the way I blew on my hot beverages XDD After we finished eating -damn that was some good takoyaki- I guess I'd call that an "interesting" walk to eatons - one that was accompanied by a lot of singing and purposeful attempts to annoy the crap out of me XD We got into the mall, sat down on one of the couch and hehehe :$ :$ (thinking about it still makes me smile like an idiot :$ :$)
I'd just like to note that today was the first time I've ever said "I like you" to someone and it didn't blow up in my face; so I'm very happy about that XDD And you telling me just made it so much sweeter :$ But I got to keep the contents of our talk a secret due to the nature of the truth game :P Though the tickling was really fun XDD I'd also like to point out another first, him being the first guy I held hands with :$ :$ (you have really warm hands :$ they're nice :$)
Anyways, turns out, we totally lost track of time because before we knew it, the time for me to leave had already crept way closer than either of us had expected. So after we or rather he did some fb creeping XD -no worries, I accept you- we headed over to David'sTea since I've been itching to try something from there for a while now :P (I don't know if you noticed, but throughout the entire walk, having our arms linked like that made me blush at the randomest intervals :$ XDDD )And the blushing didn't stop there thanks to the thing about my smile :$ :$ which made me super flustered.
asdfghjkl I guess all I really can say about today was: I had a lot of fun :$ falling for you more and more :$ Hope that wasn't too cheesy >.<
Mood: guess....
PS: I don't know if you noticed this, but there were a few parts where I kinda got really close to kissing you XDD
PPS: Title was the tea name :P for those who don't get it.
