You've got me feeling,
Empty,
Like you took the very stones you used,
to push my heart down to my stomach
and turned them into a tidal wave,
crashing against my very core and
crippling what little foundation I have left of support.

You've got me feeling,
Angry,
Like a raging flame burning up what's left of myself
while you stand there at a distance
using me to cook up some short-lived leisure.
Angry,
at myself for falling for the same guy
YOU are the same guy;
just like the rest of them.
Promising only with empty words
and changing
only through neglecting
or pretending that you're really caring

You've got me feeling
Disappointed,
let down by the dissolving hope that you'd be the one
to show me what it's like to live a happy fantasy
to show me what it's like to love without fear
To show me that
you really were Different.

You've got me feeling...
Yes
Though I do feel for you
and feel because of you,
I don't feel as though you deserve to be called the cause of my heartache,
the catalyst of my catharsis,
a title not yours to take
As earthquake go to affect those in the sky, you're nothing but an aftershock
So though I see how you effect me, I know this fight, won't bring me down from my height.

These things that I'm feeling,
I know that they're fleeting,
fleeing faster than you can try
to take my flight away.





What happens when you're finally in a new relationship yet, warning signs from the old start creeping back? Should I immediately brace for the worst; or should I simply remind myself that he's a different guy and that there's really no fear. And with the latter, how long would I have to go on until I cross the line between appropriate amounts of benefit of the doubt mentality to desperate attempts of self-persuasion that everything is alright?
These are the questions that I've been asking myself lately. I guess the timing of it all just makes the fear and the paranoia. around now marks the first month of seeing my first official boyfriend since Kevin and the first guy that I've let myself fall for since Zack. As the trend has been that within one month is when I find out something which completely destroys the happy illusion that my relationships were and where heartache tends to begin for a good amount of time. With that in mind, I do feel as though there is some validity as to why I'm feeling so shaky and weary. I'm beginning to fear letting myself fall any more for this guy, fear letting my feelings grow, and fear of watching the person that I've begun trying for once again simply lose interest. Fear from realizing that once again that, while I was once again finally able to bring myself to being ready to be in something serious, that the person who I fell for only seemingly fell for me; and that it was all just for the chase; that I'm not worth more than a chase.
Even though it was comforting to read those nuggets-of-wisdom again, it seems as though one thing is still missing, and that's how to prevent myself from falling from my high point. And most importantly, how to make it so that me having to fall and have my heart broken isn't the eventuality.
Why does it suddenly feel as if he's got me and how he's not interested anymore? I suddenly find him saying things that he might not mean anymore, and I can't tell if it's just the paranoia mixed with the timing, or if my gut feeling is right.

I already know what I'm gonna do, and that's of course to talk to him about it, but for some reason, I can already see everything going wrong. Let's just hope that my foresight is just being obstructed by a paranoia...